Support and safety information

Internet use can be monitored. If someone else can see your phone or computer, use a device they can't access, such as a library computer or a friend's phone. The red Quick Exit button (top right of the screen), or pressing Escape twice, leaves this page and replaces it in your browser history. Clearing your history helps, but The Hotline notes your history can never be completely erased from a device. The Hotline.

• Signs of abuse
• Helping someone
• Phone and safety planning
• Protective orders
• Older adults
• The numbers
• By state
• Sources

Signs of abuse

The Hotline defines domestic violence as “a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship,” and says: “Anyone can be a victim — or perpetrator — of domestic violence.” The Hotline. Abuse is not always physical. The Hotline lists these among the common signs of abusive behavior in a partner: Warning Signs of Abuse

• Telling you that you never do anything right.
• Extreme jealousy of your friends or time spent away from them.
• Preventing or discouraging you from spending time with others, particularly friends, family members or peers.
• Insulting, demeaning or shaming you, especially in front of other people.
• Preventing you from making your own decisions, including about working or attending school.
• Controlling finances in the household without discussion, such as taking your money or refusing to provide money for necessary expenses.
• Intimidating you through threatening looks or actions.

The Hotline's list of types of abuse also names monitoring (“demanding to know where you go, who you contact, and how you spend your time”), checking your phone contents and records, and using spyware or GPS tracking. Types of Abuse It notes that the person abusing someone “may simply be charming (especially at the beginning of a relationship).” The Hotline If something here sounds familiar, you can talk to an advocate; you do not have to be sure it is abuse.

How to help someone

These points come from The Hotline's guidance for friends and family. The Hotline

• Listen without judgment. Tell them you are concerned for their safety, and treat them with kindness and respect.
• Ask “How can I help?” The only person who can tell you what they need is them. Let them know the abuse is not their fault.
• Don't tell them what to do, and don't blame them. Telling someone what to do adds pressure when they are already living with someone who controls them.
• Avoid speaking badly about their partner, and don't stage an intervention. The Hotline says interventions can be disempowering and may put the person in greater danger. The Hotline
• Know that leaving is not simple. The Hotline says leaving “is often the most dangerous period of time for survivors of abuse,” so it takes planning. The Hotline
• Offer concrete help. For example, going with them to a service provider or legal setting, or storing important documents for them. The Hotline
• You can call The Hotline too. Its advocates give guidance to friends and family. If you contact them by phone or text, the person you are helping may be monitored, so ask how they would like to communicate.

Phone safety and safety planning

A safety plan, The Hotline says, is “a personalized, practical, interactive safety plan to improve your safety while experiencing abuse, preparing to leave an abusive situation, or after you leave.” The Hotline Advocates can help you make one. The National Network to End Domestic Violence's Safety Net Project publishes guidance on phone safety:

• Use a different device that the person cannot access (and has not had access to in the past), such as a computer at a library or a friend's phone. Safety Net
• “Making changes will often alert the other person. They might force you to unlock your phone or share your passwords. They might become more abusive. Making changes might also erase evidence.” Safety Net Think about your safety, and talk with an advocate, before looking for or removing monitoring software. Safety Net
• Reset passwords on phone billing, cloud and other connected accounts, from a device that is not being monitored. You can also manage which apps can see your location. Safety Net
• If it feels safe, document what is happening with screenshots and a log before you make changes. Safety Net
• The Hotline lists libraries, shelters, workplaces and computer technology centers as places to find a safer computer. The Hotline

Protective orders

Courts can issue restraining orders to people who are being abused; some states use other names, such as protective order. The rules, who can ask and how, differ by state. WomensLaw.org, a project of the National Network to End Domestic Violence, publishes state-by-state legal information, including restraining orders, and a list of courthouse locations. WomensLaw.org This is general information, not legal advice. An advocate can walk you through your state's process, and The Hotline can connect you with legal help.

Older adults

Domestic violence can start late in life or continue for a lifetime. The Hotline says anyone can be a victim, and its advocates are available to anyone at the numbers above. If you are worried about an older person, the same guidance on this page applies: listen, don't blame, and don't assume you know what they need.

The numbers

The CDC's National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS) collected data from September 2023 through September 2024 from 15,609 U.S. adults. These are lifetime estimates of contact sexual violence, physical violence and/or stalking by an intimate partner:

CDC's data brief (February 2026) cautions against comparing these figures with earlier survey years, because the survey's method changed. CDC NISVS 2023/2024 IPV Data Brief These are survey estimates, not a count of every case.

Our reporting

We cover cases where an official process did not protect a documented victim, told only from the public record. One example: the Tiana Notice case file. This page is not part of that coverage; it is here so the help is easy to find.

Resources by state

State and territorial coalitions against domestic violence, from the National Network to End Domestic Violence's directory. Each link was opened on Oct. 4, 2026. Coalitions can point you to local programs. NNEDV directory

Sources and how we checked them

Every statement above comes from the page it names. We opened each source on Oct. 4, 2026 and re-check the hotline details when this page changes. We are a news site, not a service: we can't give advice about a situation, and we don't want details in email.

1. The National Domestic Violence Hotline: home page (phone, text, chat, specialized helplines) Reportingthehotline.org/
2. The Hotline: Understand Relationship Abuse (definition) Reportingthehotline.org/identify-abuse/understand-relationship-abuse/
3. The Hotline: Warning Signs of Abuse Reportingthehotline.org/identify-abuse/domestic-abuse-warning-signs/
4. The Hotline: Types of Abuse Reportingthehotline.org/resources/types-of-abuse/
5. The Hotline: Power and Control Reportingthehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/
6. The Hotline: Why People Stay in an Abusive Relationship Reportingthehotline.org/support-others/why-people-stay-in-an-abusive-relationship/
7. The Hotline: Is Your Loved One in an Abusive Relationship? Reportingthehotline.org/resources/is-your-loved-one-in-an-abusive-relationship/
8. The Hotline: Ways to Support a Domestic Violence Survivor Reportingthehotline.org/support-others/ways-to-support-a-domestic-violence-survivor/
9. The Hotline: Helpers: So You Want to Stage an Intervention Reportingthehotline.org/resources/helpers-so-you-want-to-stage-an-intervention/
10. The Hotline: Internet Safety for Survivors Reportingthehotline.org/plan-for-safety/internet-safety/
11. The Hotline: Create Your Personal Safety Plan Reportingthehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-your-personal-safety-plan/
12. NNEDV Safety Net Project: Cell Phone Safety Plan Reportingtechsafety.org/resources-survivors/cell-phone-safety-plan
13. NNEDV Safety Net Project: Spyware and Stalkerware: Phone Surveillance Reportingtechsafety.org/spyware-and-stalkerware-phone-surveillance
14. WomensLaw.org, a project of the National Network to End Domestic Violence Reportingwomenslaw.org/
15. CDC: National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS) 2023/2024 Intimate Partner Violence Data Brief (Feb. 2026) Primary recordcdc.gov/nisvs/media/pdfs/intimatepartnerviolence-brief.pdf
16. NNEDV: State and U.S. Territorial Coalitions Against Domestic Violence (directory) Reportingnnedv.org/content/state-u-s-territory-coalitions/

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